I was awoken at 8:27 Sunday morning against my will. So I did what any guilty 20 something does while listening to their roommate have sex: I went to church.
@bripruett 5/6/12 8:56am – Early for church! Does god give heavenpoints for punctuality? Here’s hoping!
@bripruett 5/6/12 8:58am – Everyone is kneeling. Should I kneel? At this point Jesus will know I’m succumbing to peer pressure, which is a mortal sin.
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:03am – Suweet, opening ceremonies. Because it’s May, there’s some kind of floral child parade before the priest enters. #nojoke #tooeasy
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:04am – 6 kids look like they’re from the same family. Not only are they asian, but they’re all wearing matching blue polos. #realityshowstyle
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:05am – Ok, to be fair they only look half asian. It’s a real Jon and Kate plus Eight situation. #catholicedition
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:07am – Priest procession. Oh altar boys! Methinks you dream of a sunday morning in an empty house. #unsupervised #internetmischief.
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:12am – First sing-a-long FTW! This song was so awesome in Sister Act! biturl.y7xi
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:15am – This old guy can’t read from the bible for shit. Can’t they record readings by actors? #timcurry #charlesbarkley #marilynmanson
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:19am- Thanks to your crappy reading old guy, I couldn’t hear your riveting passage. Now I’m never gonna know what Jesus said.
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:21am- The irony of the call-and-response part of church, if you answer with any kind of thought you stand out from the crowd. #anothersin
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:27am- Sit, stand, kneel, stand, sit. #cardio
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:39am – Sermon time: This guy says Hell is real. And by “this guy” I mean the priest.
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:45am – Man this baby is making faces at everyone but me. C’mon baby I will make you laugh so hard!
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:49am – Idk. I don’t think I believe in Hell. I think you gotta do what’s right on Earth to keep Earth from becoming Hell. #bookofbri
@bripruett 5/6/12 9:51am – What do I know. There are homeless people everywhere and I throw pennies away. #asshole #fuckpennies
@bripruett 5/6/12 10:01am – SNACK TIME. God damn it Dane Cook, I always think of you at church! bit.yclxw
@bripruett 5/6/12 10:03am – No I’ll take the cracker in my hand thanks Father. I’m perfectly capable of putting it in my mouth myself. #pro
@bripruett 5/6/12 10:06am – NOW kneeling happens, fosho. Then we sing again, listen to boring announcements and go home.
@bripruett 5/6/12 10:12am – Yep right on schedule. #kthxbai