Happy Movember! Let’s talk about pubes! Since the mid to late 80’s, ladies have been trimming, waxing and shaving; a reaction to the hirsute 70’s or what I like to call “the full bush administration.” Today, a lady who waxes completely bald, isn’t a rare thing.


Women’s pubic hair looks:


“Trimmed” – Usually down to ½ inch or so.


“Mullet” – business in the front, party in the back – a sensible triangle in the front, and that’s all.


“Racing strip” – a strip of vertical hair. Because stripes are slimming and so hot right now.


“The Mustache Bush” –  Shaving your pubes into the shape of an old timey mustache. We live in Portland, Someone HAS to have done this. Check by the railroad tracks, where some vag is tying a damsel down.


“The Soul Patch” – Think of that guy from Smash Mouth.  Now think of his chin on some broad’s crotch.


“Shaved” – Completely bald. Sexy on day 1.  On day 2, a fiery hell from which there is no escape.

I asked my hetero-girlfriends; roughly half of boys, that’s 50%, don’t do any grooming whatsoever. Thankfully many men have caught the man-scaping bug; following suit of the dongs that are within the male gaze: James Deen and Ray Jay.

Men’s Pubic Hair Looks:


Trimmed: Usually to a ½ inch or so. You can usually tell the sweaty horror with which a boy performs this most terrifying of haircuts.


Shaved: Gonezo – usually dotted with ingrown hairs: the enemy of sexiness.

I asked my roommate and other hetero-male friends, the percentage of ladies who do zero grooming, leaving their pubic region an unexplored tundra: 1-10%. One guy said he’d never seen an untouched bush, and he “dated a lot of hippies for a while.”


The first time I shaved, I was 21. TWENTY ONE! I had one of those standing shower stalls, with no bathtub, I had to squat down on the floor of the shower. I remember it took forever, til the hot water ran cold.  When I was completely bare, I lotioned (PLEASE gentle reader, use a mild lotion, no scented harshness on your sensitive little bits ok?). And fell in love with my vaginal makeover. EVERYTHING WAS SO SENSITIVE. Sensations renewed! It was like someone giving you the chance to watch Star Wars as if it was the first time, and you’d never even heard the words “Phantom Menace.”


8 years later I sometimes treat my pube routine as a chore, instead of a grand experiment. Ladies, ladies, just because you are probably in the 90-99% of pube annihilators, doesn’t mean you have to be a prisoner or a slave. Your man (or the guy you met at plaid pantry 20 minutes ago) will understand if you choose to leave your bush alone for a bit, to allow the soil to remain fertile. And if they don’t understand, if they see the pube maintenance as a cross we have to bear, don’t fuck them.


Wishing you great love and good sex,