A friend of mine, local actor/musician @AchesonAcheson(aka Kyle Acheson), sent me this twitter query: “What’s the deal with those friends? You know, the kind where you have the sex, but you’re still totally just friends?”
Good question! The deal is, when you start having the sex with anyone, you should ask yourself, “What do I want?” Sometimes the answer that rises from your emotion guts is “Love!” or “A Cool Boyfriend/Girlfriend!”, but sometimes what you want from sex is “SEX.” If that is the case: congratulations, you know what you want and you’re doing the right things!
But who should you share this most lovely and intimate of physical exchanges with? A stranger? Maybe. How ‘bout a friend? Hey, that sounds good. That friend had better also want “sex” from sex. If that person (or you) secretly wants “a boyfriend/girlfriend,” not just “sex” from sex, there might be some hurt feelings!
A lot of Portlanders are transplants; you can identify transplants by their band and their use of the phrase “you call this snow?” Transplants usually use their sacred friend group as a surrogate family—so take care when fucking your fake family, you Portland newbies! Communicate well so there’s no cause for hurt feelings and mad drama.
To further avoid mad drama, it might be better to fuck a friend on the outskirts of your friend group. You might be saying to yourself, “What if I blow the hot dude in my fantasy football league and it gets real weird!?” Well, if you’re worried you and your totally hot fantasy football bro can’t have some consensual sex without fumbling the league, or whatever… Why not make a NEW friend outside of your sacred friend group (or the league), hang out with that person like a friend, then start having sex with them? Where do you meet such an open-minded fuck buddy? THERE’S THIS THING CALLED THE INTERNET.
My fuck buddy and I just celebrated our six-month anniversary. Guess how we celebrated?
I am actually loathe to use the term “fuck buddy,” because he’s more than that. I rescued him when his car broke down; he helped me with my sprained ankle. In the summer we hiked, and on warm nights we walked to restaurants. Sometimes he just sleeps in my bed. Feelings are definitely squishy, but he’s not my boyfriend or partner, and he’s not going to meet my mom. He’s my friend and I think he’s great.
So he’s not just my fuck buddy—he’s my BEST fuck buddy, my BFB. Everyone should have one!
It’s hard to set romantic goals. Everyone’s heart has been broken and no one has time for a relationship. Whether you are healing or just aren’t ready to be locked up yet, having “sex” for sex is awesome. Not knowing what you want is OK! So the deal is, @AchesonAcheson, make sure your friends want the same thing as you, be kind to them so the rest of your friends still like you, and maybe make a new friend on the internet. Believe me, there are plenty of fish in the sea who want to fuck.
Wishing you great love and good sex,