Let’s Do it with Bri Pruett: Rejection 101

Author’s Note: This is one is dedicated to my exes!

 

Maybe you had a sweet sexy Valentine’s Day romance or maybe you’ve been burning through every dude in your “match list” like Tinder tissues. Sometimes two people work out, but most of the time they don’t. Telling someone that you’re “just not that into them” sucks, but YOU MUST COMMUNICATE, gentle reader. You must be brave and unyielding and sensitive. Here are some ways to give that final kiss-off with respect and style.

First, you thank the gods that someone likes you—say a prayer for that person, because you ain’t all that (the ego check is the most important part of rejecting someone). Then you compose a CLEAR and CONCISE way to let that person down. If you’re just a few dates in, a text message will do. If you’ve been on three or more dates, meet up with them over a cheap drink in an uncrowded bar and say the following:

GENUINE COMPLIMENT (example: “You are really sweet/smart/funny/cute/punctual/symmetrical…”)

“BUT”

SOME VARIATION OF “I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU”:

mila-kunis-and-andy-samberg-breakup-friends-with-benefits.gif

1. I’m not feeling a connection

2. I don’t think it’s a good fit

3. I don’t see this progressing into something more

4. I don’t see a future for us

5. I don’t think we’re compatible

6. We don’t have much in common

7. I can’t picture us together

8. There isn’t a spark between us

9. I’m not feeling any chemistry between us

10. There’s just something missing

11. I don’t see a place for you in my life

12. My friends would eat you alive

13. Our ideologies are too different

14. We’re just too different

15. I’m looking for a partner, not something casual

16. I’m looking for something more casual, not a full-time partner

17. I don’t think you would mesh with my other partners

19. I don’t think we’re sexually compatible

20. I can’t see introducing you to my parents

21. Our lifestyles are too different

22. You wouldn’t be good for me right now

23. I don’t think you’re the right person for me

24. It’s not a good time

25. You’re out of my league

26. Our schedules are too different

27. You intimidate me sexually

“THANKS FOR THE DATE/S”


“GOOD LUCK/TAKE CARE/BE GOOD/PEACE OUT”
(or if you’re the worst: “CHEERS/NAMASTE/COOL BEANS”)

Answer questions if they come up and listen, but don’t offer more information than necessary. Be nice, of course. Politely leave when everything’s been said. And for god sakes, pay for the drinks (pro tip: bring cash.)

There: You just rejected someone. Don’t feel shitty. Hope someone takes that much care when they reject you one day. Everyone’s number comes up some time.

Now, back on that horse.

Wishing you great love and good sex,

@BriPruett

“Which Show Should I See?” Hot Quiz ACTION!

You’ve only got so much time on your precious agenda.  Believe me, I’m a busy gal-on-the-go myself!  Take this quiz to find out which of my shows you should come to this week!

1.  You like comedy. OF COURSE YOU DO!  But when you aren’t supporting the Portland Comedy “scene” you are doing which of the following?

a. Three words: GAME SHOW NETWORK

b. Supporting feminist sketch comedy troupes… obviously.

c. Reading periodicals.  Current events are very important to me.

 

2.  When do you start your evening activities?

a. I come home from work, eat dinner, fold my clothes.  I head out at 8ish, I’m a very reasonable person.

b. If a show starts after 7:30pm, I AIN’T GOIN’!  I GOTTA WORK TOMORROW?  DON’T YOU PEOPLE HAVE JOBS?!

c. Psssht, if it’s the weekend, I’m going hard.  WHENEVER o’clock!

 

3.  Where do you live?

a. Southeast. duh.

b. Southeast.

c. We all live in southeast, it’s where all the stuff happens.

 

RESULTS!

Mostly A’s

Tonight! 3/25 – 8pm – Funhouse Lounge – FREE!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/770215122991082/?ref=br_tf

 

Mostly B’s

Wednesday 3/26 – 7pm (doors at 6:30) – Ford’s Food and Drink – $10

https://www.facebook.com/events/228056950729329/

 

Mostly C’s

Too Wet To Burn Comedy Showcase (and too busy to make a promotional graphic!)

Saturday 3/29 – 8pm – The Press Club

https://www.facebook.com/events/1472109119670802/

 

Portland Monthly’s 4 Hot Comedy Acts

Portland Monthly’s 4 Hot Comedy Acts

Hey look more press!  The Portland Monthly decided to spend some time on local comedy… ain’t that something!  This article manages to plug all my allies like: Action/Adventure Theater, Curious Comedy Theater, and my hometown CLACKAMAS, OR!

 

This attention feels so good!  I solemnly swear, on this empty mineral water bottle that’s been on my desk forever: to work real hard to make everyone laugh; so if you become my fan I’m only going to get better and better.  And when I’m famous you’ll get to be super smug, like original Nirvana fans.

 

Thanks Portland Monthly!  Thanks for the LOOOVE!