Bri Pruett Writing Samples

Commercial Copy Samples

Pizzicato Pizza – Online Newsletter: Greeting/Pizza/Panini/Bruschetta Copy- October 2016

We’re featuring crunchy-delicious Fuji apples right from our own Yakima Valley, alongside maple-glazed bacon from Pendleton’s Hills Meats in October. Our Lovejoy Bakers Ciabatta is blanketed in creamy brie for our seasonal panini and bruschetta – a tempting pair of flavors to usher in Fall. Our monthly offer makes giving into temptation so affordable: Get $5 off any large pizza

Our pizza special starts with our signature crust, garlic and olive oil, mozzarella, Pacific NW Fuji apples and crispy maple bacon, glazed in-house, of course. Walnuts, gorgonzola and fresh herb finish this delectable October favorite.

Not your basic ham sandwich. Classic dijon mustard and black forest ham have met their match with Fuji apples and melty, creamy brie cheese. All layered on a fresh Lovejoy Bakers ciabatta and baked until peak melty-greatness. Try it today!

Make your first course a winner, start with our seasonal bruschetta warm from the oven. Airy Ciabatta is sliced and topped with melted brie, thinly sliced Fuji apples and generous crumbles of bacon.

Pizzicato Pizza – Web Copy – December 2014  – Human resources/hiring dept.

Looking for a great job with upward mobility and sweet benefits? Join the Pizzicato family. We’re always on the lookout for friendly, outgoing, servers and future leaders. Let us know that you’re interested on the form to the right and we’ll reach out to you. Read more about our employee benefits.

General Manager:

Every ship needs a captain. Our GMs manage the elements that make our stores hum: computers, POS systems, money, kitchen equipment, and the most important part of Pizzicato, our pizza-slinging champions. Our GMs hire, train and coach employees; above all, setting an example with superlative customer service as top priority. Our GMs value perfection in customer service, great interpersonal communication, a strong sense of personal responsibility and a passion for fresh, from-scratch food.

Assistant Manager:

Our AMs work hard and we treat them like royalty. Assistant Managers are an essential part of the team, building relationships with regular customers, a smiling face on the floor, and an example employees on customer service and recipe precision. Our AMs have a strong attention to detail; creating a work schedule, keeping an eye on safety regulations, and making our guests feel at home. If you have a passion for precision, a knack for HR, and can remember your customer’s names (and favorite slices) we have a great career waiting for you.

Delivery Driver

Independent road warriors are needed to deliver pizza to hungry homes and businesses. You provide the rock solid vehicle with a sparkling driver’s record – we’ll equip you with a GPS, hot food, and send you on your way! Our delivery drivers are great with customers, solid in the kitchen, and effortlessly safe behind the wheel. Join our team and get ready for your car to smell DELICIOUS.

Kitchen

Our kitchen staff are multi-tasking wizards, on the line and out front with customers. If you’ve got an eye for details and dates, you can follow recipes with flair, you’ve got a passion for tasty, fresh food, we’ve got a great job waiting for you. Making pizza for our guests can be busy work, but with a solid team of pizza champions at your back the pizza line is a total party.

 

 

Creative Writing Samples

Let’s Do It with Bri Pruett: Listen Up!

Originally published October 24th, 2016 – Portland Mercury Blogtown,USA “Let’s Do It: with Bri Pruett” (http://www.portlandmercury.com/blogtown/2016/10/24/18650924/lets-do-it-with-bri-pruett-listen-up)

It’s the end of October and people are stressed. Worried about a Trump regime, worried for the safety of black and brown lives, stressed about keeping or finding homes in Portland. Please take care of each other, sweet readers! I genuinely believe that being a good and loving listener can allay fears, dismiss worry, and heal trauma, but ONLY when you are able to listen with love.

Of course I think this life should be a give and take of ideas, but there are some times when you MUST STFU and listen. If a loved one is relaying trauma, you STFU and listen. If you are a privileged person and your marginalized friend is trying to explain their experience, you STFU and listen. To support to a loved one in need, you must STFU and listen. It sounds easy! But, like snapchat for people over 35, active listening can be confusing! Here are some tips to direct your supportive ear.

1) Recognize a person who needs you to listen. Someone who tells you, “I really need to talk” or a friend who is doing a lot of vague-booking or oversharing on social media. Pick a private moment and tell that person you are there to listen if/when they need you. Pick a venue to meet face to face; texts won’t do the job.

2) Be neutral. If your friend is visibly upset, you may feel an urge to get upset with them. Don’t. If your friend is full of despair, sobbing in front of you, you might be tempted to mirror their emotions. Don’t. To do so would be confusing and co-opting your friend’s feelings. Keep your emotions under control, my empathetic readers, because this isn’t about you. Recently a friend offered to listen to me vent about a bad night I had doing stand-up; I gratefully accepted and was trying to keep it light, because I was a bit embarrassed. My friend did a very common thing that people do when uncomfortable, they laughed. They laughed in my saaaad face. They were following my joke-y lead, but that was the wrong call. The moral of this story is: your friend’s feelings might manifest in a number of ways. Stay neutral.

3) STFU. I’m a comedian, I know being quiet is hard. I know that silence makes you think it’s your turn to talk. I know you probably read an article and you REALLY think you can solve this problem. But if you are actively listening, you shouldn’t even be thinking about WHEN it will be your time to talk or what you’ll say. If you are ASKED your opinion, then you can think about how to respond. Be extra-thoughtful about whether your friend actually needs your point of view or if you’re falling into a role of being “the person with something to say” (I should get a medal for not saying “y’know, a man,” but I guess I would just have lost my medal with this sentence. Shrug.) My point is, RESIST and remember there will be PLENTY of opportunities for you to talk again very soon.

4) Use your body language. When you are giving your attention to someone, put your fucking phone down. Also, square your shoulders to them, cock your head, soften your gaze, keep your expressions neutral. If that’s too intimate for your relationship (or if you’re people trapped in a hyper-masculine gender role prison), try 3-point communication. That’s when you and your friend focus your attention on a benign shared activity while you talk. A long drive, a puzzle, staring into a fire, or sitting on a dock with fishing poles. I realize I just gave you a bunch of old man activities, but let’s be honest about who is trapped in gender role prison.

5) Ask questions. Asking clarifying questions to help you understand your friend is OK. Your job is to listen and comprehend, so if language is failing or limiting your friend’s expression (and if they are really upset, it will), ask what they mean. Try to be intuitive, but when that fails, just be a person and communicate.

6) Follow up, but don’t repeat. When your loved one has spoke their truth, hopefully they feel better and then the convo is over. Remember, there’s a special place in hell for those who use the guise of active listening to siphon information. Don’t repeat that story, because it’s not yours to share. Follow up a few days later to show the person extra love—you don’t have to make a reference to the information (they may not want a reminder), but a quick check-in will mean a lot.

Use these tools and get ready for all your relationships to get a lot more real! Listening is a huge gift to the person who needs it. And it’s free, so let’s spread some healing around.

Wishing you good sex, great love and many places to speak your truth.

 

“Let’s Do It” with Bri Pruett: Putting the Sensual in Consensual

Originally Published April 8th, 2016  – Portland Mercury Blogtown,USA “Let’s Do It: with Bri Pruett” (http://www.portlandmercury.com/blogtown/2016/04/08/17849660/lets-do-it-with-bri-pruett-putting-the-sensual-in-consensual)

There’s only one sure-fire way to avoid being in a consensual gray area in a sexual scenario; use your grown-up words and explicitly ask for consent. If you’re a shy or less verbal person, this might seem like a daunting task. First let’s deal with some of your concerns…

  1. I don’t like “asking.”

People (especially men) have told me that “asking permission” feels weak, that it establishes a power dynamic from the get-go that may not be a total turn on. Can I suggest this adjustment to your logic: the “ask” is a sign of ultimate respect, a new “laying your cape over a mud puddle.” Because who can remember to bring their cape all the time? If your boo is into consent, asking IS foreplay.

  1. It makes sex so mechanical.

Maybe there is a small loss of spontaneity. But if you get consent beforehand, or better yet, have a grown up discussion of what you are into and when/where you want to get it, you’ll have the green light to get as weird-as-you-wanna-be when the time comes. I’ll take kink over spontaneity any day.

  1. Girl’s are the brakes, boys are the gas.

Why are you even reading this column, you dumb dinosaur?! There’s an assumption that cis-gender straight males are ALWAYS trying to get it IN and it’s the “woman’s job to put on the brakes.” It’s 2016, dummies. That kind of over-simplification is over. Yes, let’s acknowledge the long history of teaching men to “ask” consent and women to “give” consent *cough* rape culture *cough*. However, women can help this process by participating in the culture of consent themselves, asking and granting permission also.

  1. I don’t know how.

For a lot of us, this is new. We’re finding the language, the rhythms and the emotions associated with consent. It’s OK for it to feel awkward. We’re all gonna be so good at this soon (a great resource is sex educator/graphic artist Erika Moen’s blog entry on consent). If you’re just getting your feet wet, here are some phrases to try out:

Can I….?

Will you…?

Would it feel good if I ….?

Would you like it if I…?

Do you like it when…?

Here are some phrases that sound less like questions:

It would feel so good if you…

It turns me on when you…

When you _____, it makes me hot

I love it when you ____

I want you to _____

Try it with your partner, your weekend lover, or whatever lucky, sunsick fool you hook up with tonight. And don’t thank me too much when you ask permission to fuck and your consent-lovin’ bae floods their basement.

Wishing you great love and hot, consensual action.

 

Let’s Do It with Bri Pruett: How to Write an Online Dating Profile

Originally Published August 24th, 2015  – Portland Mercury Blogtown,USA “Let’s Do It: with Bri Pruett” (http://www.portlandmercury.com/BlogtownPDX/archives/2015/08/24/lets-do-it-with-bri-pruett-how-to-write-an-online-dating-profile)

As the first signs of Back-to-School season rears it’s ugly, crayola head, we know in our bones that YES the nine-months of wet/gray/winter-ish is coming. So, have you thought about your cold-weather relationship yet? Dating is fun in the summer when activities and patios are plentiful. Come autumn, you can harvest your relationship like a ripe tomato and make a rich sauce to sustain you during the cold months. If you are like literally everyone on the planet, you date online to increase your odds of meeting someone. Here are my tips for finding the biggest fish in your pond.com:

  1. Talk about your lifestyle

Say I stumbled across a dude online who has dedicated his life to ice fishing. He goes on several ice fishing trips a year, has Marlins mounted all over his house (Marlins aren’t products of cold-water fishing, you say? Shut up nerd, I’m just trying to make a point), and all his friends talk ice fishing 24/7. That would be a real red flag for someone like me; I’m too soft for that life. My point is this: Service industry folks aren’t going to be able to get up and jog with you at 5 am, starving artists aren’t going to be able to afford to travel with you to Antigua, and devoted Christians aren’t going to brunch with you on Sunday… God doesn’t even brunch on Sunday, he waits until Monday when the lines are shorter. Smart, God.

MORE TIPS TO ONLINE DATING PROFILE POETRY AFTER THE JUMP!

  1. Brevity is your friend

For the sake of pure readability, I urge you to keep it brief. No more than 500 words in total for a site like OKCupid or Match.com. If you are going long, cut the details about your personal “history” first. Those are great details to offer in the first couple of messages you write to the person you want to meet with.

  1. Ask your friends for help

Everyone needs an editor, and I’m nothing without Wm. Steven Humphrey! Ask your friends to read your profile, for grammar and content. Ask them if it sounds honest, or if you left anything out. Good friends will be honest, mediocre friends will give you some nice fluff about how great your butt looks. Go ahead and brag, you won’t sound like an asshole; you’ll sound like a person who knows they deserve a rad partner.

  1. Don’t list “dealbreakers”

We all have boundaries hidden in the deep confines of our soul. However, I’d wager on the journey toward love, you’re more flexible than you think. Through messaging and the first dates, you’ll be able to identify the things that are just NOT going to work for you.

Wishing you great love and good sex.